training games
Who remembers the Saturday Night Live skit where Mango met J-Lo? "Can you catch a falling star without burning your hand? No. Such is Mango." "Can you piss off a Puerto Rican and live to tell about it?" Well I am here to tell you that I can now cross this one off my list. They are a fiesty breed.
Emily, the new Puerto Rican troubleshooter, (troubleshooters are the minions who clean or do the pariah work. I usually trick them into being my assistant so I can take more breaks) Anyway, it takes her 20 minutes to hand out 6 bundles of news, and I mean lift it out of the cart and hand it to the fairy. She refuses to do routes. "its cold, its too much work, its dangerous, I'm a woman, you can't expect me to do this blah blah blah" She is a whiny self-important bitch that doesn't understand that being paid means working for it. She just wants to strut around in her little cabbie hat and dark glasses complaining about how tired she is and how she can't possibly get her business started with these stupid hours. Pete-master sent us both to uptown. That sadist. He wanted me to try to fix her, but uptown routes are more difficult, not to mention the crackheads that will surely be underfoot. I eventually got sick of her complaining about how she really wanted to be home by 6:30 and she couldn't believe we had do this. And so after a certain point, every time we got out of the car I made her carry the bag with 30-50 newspapers in it, I locked the car so she couldn't get back in and pout. I had her running city blocks, up and down 4+ flights of stairs, and she had to keep up because I told her if I got to the car first I would leave without her. It was great. The look in her eyes was muderous, but she knew I was her only ride home. In the latter point of our mission, she started complaining again about how tired she was and how she couldn't do the last few papers because she was falling asleep. So I floored it and ran three stoplights, the second almost broadsided a car, the third almost took out a pedestrian. She was hyperventilating and babbling, I asked her if that had woken her up. When we were done she leaped out of the car and ran to hers. Good times.
Emily, the new Puerto Rican troubleshooter, (troubleshooters are the minions who clean or do the pariah work. I usually trick them into being my assistant so I can take more breaks) Anyway, it takes her 20 minutes to hand out 6 bundles of news, and I mean lift it out of the cart and hand it to the fairy. She refuses to do routes. "its cold, its too much work, its dangerous, I'm a woman, you can't expect me to do this blah blah blah" She is a whiny self-important bitch that doesn't understand that being paid means working for it. She just wants to strut around in her little cabbie hat and dark glasses complaining about how tired she is and how she can't possibly get her business started with these stupid hours. Pete-master sent us both to uptown. That sadist. He wanted me to try to fix her, but uptown routes are more difficult, not to mention the crackheads that will surely be underfoot. I eventually got sick of her complaining about how she really wanted to be home by 6:30 and she couldn't believe we had do this. And so after a certain point, every time we got out of the car I made her carry the bag with 30-50 newspapers in it, I locked the car so she couldn't get back in and pout. I had her running city blocks, up and down 4+ flights of stairs, and she had to keep up because I told her if I got to the car first I would leave without her. It was great. The look in her eyes was muderous, but she knew I was her only ride home. In the latter point of our mission, she started complaining again about how tired she was and how she couldn't do the last few papers because she was falling asleep. So I floored it and ran three stoplights, the second almost broadsided a car, the third almost took out a pedestrian. She was hyperventilating and babbling, I asked her if that had woken her up. When we were done she leaped out of the car and ran to hers. Good times.
posted by Chemska at 10:44 PM
3 Comments:
Good woman, you are an excellent motivational speaker.
It's funny, because thanks to your intro, I pictured that entire anecdote with you and J. Lo.
awesome.
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