Just Bitchn'

So yes. As Greg knows, I emailed (lame I know) that Adam person I'd talked about while I was in town last time to ask him out. I just couldn't do it in person. Anyway, I was turned down, he was flattered, of course, but anyway you count it it's a solid no thanks. AND THEN!!! I swear, later that week after I figured out I was okay talking to me, he called me up and we went out to a movie. I think it was a guilt trip outing. Where he felt guilty so we did a couple of things I'd mentioned in passing. Weird. Certain friends here and I have decided there must be some weird disconnect between this man's dick and his brain. Seriously, but he's a really really nice guy so we still hang out. Anyway, so on the dating front I guess I get an "E" for effort.

I've had this sudden nagging thought that up in the North Woods Mr. Joe has gotten married. If Mr. Joe gets married to the woman I think it is that will be the FOURTH man to have me as the last woman they dated before they married. Well, dating Mr. Joe would be stretching it I'll admit, I promised I'd wait till the end of his school year to date him, but for a man who carried a torch for me for three years, finally tell me he loved me and move in with someone else, which is what he did. I feel that it counts for something on my record. Or not. Dude, statistically it's just fucked up, that's all I'm saying. And I almost want to see how long I can keep it up. Or not. And then I thought that this started in high school with the man I dated before Mike. Paul and I dated and then he knocked up his next girl friend and THEY got married. But then I was like WAIT! WAIT! He cheated on me with my friend Lisa at the time so Lisa was the last one. YES!!!

So I haven't written about the wedding yet 'cause I haven't been in the mood. I've been rather flat lately, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry I never called you Hazel. The week just went so fast, and we only have dial up at home. And man can you just NOT go back once you've had hi speed internet. Anyway highlights of the wedding & week before:

Aw, fuck it, we'll just jump to the grooms dinner. At the grooms dinner, we had a rosted pig in the pole barn of Erin's Father in Law. The pig was fine. The children were running rampent so after telling them to stop once or twice, Uncle Randy just tripped the little buggers as they ran past. I then (in my mature fashion) started a food fight with the dinner mints in little dishes on the tables. Afterwards I went to the hotel my family was staying in so I could go swimming. And when I got home my mother was WAITING UP FOR ME! To tell me she didn't like my attitude of the past week and that I shouldn't flip my sister the bird. My sister tattled on me for flipping her off at the spa, for fucks sake! So my mother stayed up and started to chew me out and then complain that "everyone" was saying she was crabby and excuse her if her back hurt. And when I started to reply I'd said no such thing she actually yelled at me to "shut up". Well fuck that, I walked out on her.


So the next day she acted as if nothing happened. Typical. For the wedding I think the maid of honor was actually more nervous than the bride. She started crying Saturday morning at the hair salon the poor woman was so stressed out. Well we got everything set up at the wedding and then got dressed and took pictures. It was at this time we discovered that Erin's dress was a magnet for bugs. In the picture to the right you'll see Erin trying to air out the various creatures that crawled up in between the layers of tuelle.

So we took pictures of the grooms family and the brides family seperately before the wedding so the groom wouldn't see the bride. So we waited in the changing room while the groom's pics were taken and poor Erin. The air circulation was terrible and she was just dying, AND trying not to drink too much fluids so she wouldn't have to pee in her dress. Later she needed to use the bathroom however and I had to help with the positioning of the dress and what not. Isn't that a nice bonding experience? So yeah, poor Erin is just dying so I found this little fan and said Hold Still. Then stuck it under the layers of tuelle and hoop skirt. She was like "Wow, that's sooo much better!" Here is my sister with my nerf gun:



So then for the wedding procession, I of course walked down the aisle with the shortest groomsman. Go figure. But this is where Romi's deft use of eye contact and hand signals came in handy. Didn't know I had those skills did ya? Huh? Huh? So first it was like: How do we start the ceremony? Seriously this was a question. Chris (the groom) replied "Cue the DJ" so I got the man's attention and cued that. Then once everyone was up there I cued the DJ to start the bride's march down the aisle song. But it was very pretty, Erin looked really nice. Everything was going well when the Maid of Honor says to me out of the corner of her mouth: "Rhianna, I don't have the ring." Oh shit.

So I look to the back of the room to see my brother holding the ring box in one hand and pointing to it with the other, with this kind of "Don't you need this?" look on his face. This little display is what must have brought to the Maid of Honor's mind that she was missing something. Oops. So using hand and eye signals (which would be funnier if I could act this part out for you) I got Nick to sneak to

the front row of the service, of which only my parents were seated. And then he slid down the pew until he was facing me. And the he TOSSED the ring box to me during the ceremony and I CAUGHT IT! Without even really having to move. I just opened my hand and bent my knees a little. It was amazing, like a couple people in the second row of my family saw it, 'cause the were wondering what the hell the usher was scooting around the front pew for. But no one else, they were all rivited to the sight of my pretty sister. So I then passed the ring to the Maid of Honor and she took the ring out, passed the box back to me and I tossed the empty box back to Nick. he he.

So the ceremony went well and the reception was very nice. It was really one of the best buffets I've been to at a wedding. They actually had whole grilled portebella mushrooms! Very nice. Here's a nice picture of the pavillion with Erin and Chris:


Here's a picture of Dad with his brothers:


And yes I brought bubble guns for my Uncles and a nerf dart gun for my self. I had a bag of extra ammo strapped to my leg under my skirt the whole day and I smuggled the gun to the reception table before the ceremony even started. So I enjoyed shooting small children and my family. Unfortunalty my family is so good at dodging bullets that I hit a couple guests while they were eating. Oops.

Oh, the groom's family also brought a former German exchange student to the wedding with them. His name was Mirco and he was a friggen blast. He was hilarious and he was our drunk for the evening, which is great cause he was a happy drunk. Here's Mirco dancing with my sister at the Dollar Dance:




So yeah, good times.