I ain't dead or arrested yet

So Lucy and I were going to go out for drinks. She had already had a few when I picked her up. We were walking to the bar and she was tripping all over herself, running into trees and lamp posts, and what not. I told her to focus on her feet, and kept saying heel toe, Lucy, heel toe! So she's saying heel toe heel toe when she runs into a parked car, rolls along the side of it, finds the space between that and another, bounces off one, then the other, and hits the street. Funny as hell. I told her I would have tried to catch her, but she just kept falling. Then we get to mortimers, and order food and drinks. She takes off for the cash machine and is gone for a half hour, while the bartenders are hassling me for money. I figured she was talking to someone. I looked for her, and couldn't find her, so I figured I'd just wait it out. She comes back, and Marcus shows up and demands to know why I'm not taking care of my friend. I didn't know that she had called him 20 times saying that she didn't know where she was. I guess she told him she was on Lyndale, so he searched every bar on the strip. What a guy. We went out to smoke and there was a guy bent over with his hands on his knees that started backing into me. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he told me to shut up because he was trying to poop. I yelled at him to get the fuck away from me, then he started arguing with me about how I don't accept his ass and ability to poop or something stupid. I yelled at him to get the fuck away from me and why the fuck was he even having this argument with me. Marcus decided we should take Lucy home and the ass man started backing into me again. I advanced upon him cursing a blue streak, which won me the respect of all in the smoking area. He backed up, stunned. We went to Lucy's. Lucy collapsed in her bed. I took Marcus (black) to drop off his car. (in the hood)He got back in so we could return, and some black guy leans in the passenger side window ranting about how he needs a ride to pick something up. Arguments ensue, and he threatens to "break every motherfucking window in this motherfucking car". I pull away, and I hear a loud cracking sound as a rock hits my car. Marcus is ranting how he can't believe the guy just did that. I calmy spun the car around. Marcus inquired, and I calmly said "I believe I'll run him down." His nervous response was "oh shit, baby girl, you don't need to do that, just let me handle it later." I glanced at him, while watching the road, and my now terrified target, (now wide eyed and skittering) and he said" no no really, I promise I will, just let me handle him later, I know him and everything." Alright. So we resumed course, as Marcus thoroughly apologized for what had happened. We got back to Lucy's, resumed drinking and eventually I was ruined. Marcus kept trying to put me in Lucy's bed, but she kept wiggling, so I kept wandering off. Marcus kept hunting me down, saying," oh no, girl, you can't sleep on the bathroom floor, whattchoo doin sleepin in the dog's bed, come on girl, just stay where I put you." So much fun. Now I'm trying to work on finals, but I believe I'm fucked at this point because everything is still hazy.