A day in the life

Our sad, ne'er do well rival depot had grown desperate. 11 fairies were unaccounted for and another had shown up without a car. Salivating at this irresistable chance to exploit us, they demanded help. I was chosen to find said depot and chauffer the fairy around his route. The depot in question was nestled in the heart of downtown St. Paul. You all know how inept I am at navigating that accursed vortex. After driving in circles for awhile, I arrived. I was standing in a dimly lit, sub-zero parking lot when a man was directed to my car. This man, apparently less than educated, scurried to and fro loading his papers while keeping his head down and murmuring rapidly and incoherently to himself. Another story for the book, I thought. There is not much to be told about our first few hours together, except that we barreled around over the ice and snow through downtown St. Paul as he educated me in heated ebonics about the perils layed down by the man to those who do not pay their child support. I recall such humorous statements as "How da ELL wuz I suppose ta know dat my license was suspended?! Man, I wuz ComPli-an wit my responsaBiliTeeZ!! But rightsa bout now I gots to do wut I gots to do. I went down to dat court, man and dat judge wunt playin, man dat judge ain't PLAYIN." He had 300 papers to do. We had 100 left when he told me that no matter what, come 6:00, he was dipping out to his other job, because if he was late, he would be fired, and he needed to keep a certain income to appease child support. I told him he would need to finish this route before leaving. He reiterated, I retorted that he would lose this job if he left. The arguments continued, he eventually took some papers into an office building. A car pulled up next to me and sat with its flashers on. I called the St. Paul depot but I got the machine. I told them that their idiot fairy was planning to bail, leaving me with 50 papers. I informed them that this was their problem, not mine, and I would leave them on the sidewalk of 7th and Cedar. If they had any further suggestions, none of which included me delivering them, of course, they could feel free to call me. The fairy comes out of the building and talks to the other car. He then approaches my car and attempts to say his good byes. I tell him that if he wants his job to be done, he will do it himself. He starts yelling about how he needs to get to his other job. I inform him of my plan to leave the papers on the sidewalk next to the unconscious wino. He said he didn't care and got into the other car, which sped away. I called Andy with my plight, and the masters decided that I would be directed by phone to each address. Is anyone familiar with the spider web of highway ramps between the Capitol and the Kelly Inn? Yeah, whatever dude. After an hour of driving in circles, I heatedly told Andy that it wasn't going happen, I wasn't doing it, and I had shit to do that did not allow me to drive around til noon or however fucking long this was going to take. I parked at the Kelly Inn and stole some bagels from the continental breakfast while he met with the council. He called back, the new plan was for him to guide me back to the St. Paul depot by phone. I was to leave the papers on their porch and let them do it. When I arrived at said depot, .....wait for it...... THE FAIRY WAS WAITING FOR ME!!! "I been back here 3 times lookin for you! Where you been? I gots to deliver my route or I'll lose my job, gimme my papers, woman!" For god's sake. On another note, if his wife (who was driving the get away car) still had her license, could this not have all been avoided by having her drive him around instead of me? He and the wife started unloading my car, and as soon as the last paper was unloaded, I hit the gas and was gone. I was almost home when the St. Paul master finally called me back. I unloaded this story on him, and let him know what I thought of his employees. He waited for me to finish, then asked where the papers were. With The Fairy!! You weren't even listening!! I hung up on him. Pete-master bought me breakfast in appreciation that I haven't quit yet.