The Glorious Day of Me

Hey guys
if the people who are staying over in the hotel room could spot me $50 that would be cool. Go ahead and bring other people if you want, we will raise an army and march!
Also, I say we head up there around 4 or 5 and go swimming and hang out and stuff. All right, I just checked the site and I don't think they have a pool. But that's not going to stop me....
-later-

he likes big oxen

What can I say. He likes big oxen.

Good one Al

Albert Einstein Quotes: "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? "

Even though his life was really messed up, or maybe because his life was really messed up, Einstein had a lot of good quotes. And one of these days I should sit down and write an entry that is not based off of what someone else is saying. Soon my precious. Soon...

Holiday Hell

Hey Everyone- I've been feeling like a real schmuck because I can't afford any presents. But, one night my step-dad called me and we were trying to figure out what to do for Christmas. He thought it would be nice if just he, my mom, my little sister and I could just have a quiet night at my place. No presents, just food, hot cocoa, and our two favorite Christmas movies. (A Christmas Story and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation) I thought to myself: That sounds like the perfect way to celebrate.
I don't know about you guys, but the guilt of not being able to buy presents weighs me down like a ton of bricks. Mostly when I receive the presents. This year though, I'm throwing off the repressive shackles of "You must buy, You must buy!" "You will make people upset if you don't purchase something to show how much you love and appreciate the very expensive gift they got for you." Screw them. Every year the stuff I get sits in the box/bag I brought it home in for weeks in the middle of my room/livingroom until I can find a spot for it . It's not that I'm an ingrate, I do appreciate the lovely gifts I receive. But, I really don't need anymore stuff.
And so I conclude this post by saying that gifts are wonderful. But the most wonderful gifts you can share with someone are love and friendship. All year round we share those everyday and for that I am grateful!

Clown Heaven and My Personal Public Library

I bought a Station 56 knockoff today at Menards and now have my own personal library building. Sweet. he he he.





Also shown is the clown heaven located north of Bloomginton in the middle of nowhere. When I first saw it I was with Melind who was driving and when I said hey look its "Clown Heaven" she stomped on the gas. So I had to go back and get a picture.

Where I've been...where I've yet to go

I need to got to Washington state and drive while I'm at it.



create your own visited states map

New Year's

Aight, we got the City Center Marriott, 30 s 7th Street, downtown, two double beds, possibly smoking. and what a time we shall have.

pure genius!

Please go here. Now! And scroll down for the chinchilla.

DO IT!

haha

I'm so stressed out that this internet machine doesn't make sense anymore.

aweiufhluhknjvv

I probably just bombed this test. It was about alternative dispute resolutions which have a million different subparts which are all exactly the same but that sadist decided 50% of the test should be devoted to defining them. 2 weeks left. 2 weeks. Anywho. After a particularly vicious feud with my coworkers, I played the "do you realize what I have survived" card, and I may have threatened to quit, which admittedly may have been weak on my part, but ultimately I was the only person to get New Year's off. So what is everyone doing? I suggest renting a hotel room downtown and going crazy... Canadian Style. Thoughts?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh

I probably just bombed this test. It was about alternative dispute resolution which has a million different subparts which are all exactly the same but that sadist managed to seperate them all so we could define them. Thank god I only have 2 weeks left, because I just don't fucking care anymore. Anywho, I have New Year's off, what is everyone doing? I suggest renting a hotel room downtown and going crazy... Canadian Style.

Interview from hell.

So I just got done with an interview this morning...for volunteering. And it sucked big time. There is no way on planet Earth I would want to work with the woman I just met. She picked to interview time...and was late. She didn't tell me to use the side door for employees on Monday when the rest of the museum was closed. She asked me if I had "manual" skills and when I asked her to clarify told me that is was fairly "self-explaniory."

Self expanitory my ass! BITCH!

I recieved this growing sense that she didn't understand why anyone would want to volunteer and also that she was awful to work with. However, this feeling did reach full fruitation until after the interview...because the interview was over in three minutes! I left completely bewildered and pissed.

The god damn women assumed I already knew what the fuck everything was. She refered to the internship class by number so I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about when she asked why I wasn't taking this for credit. That I knew about internships was the ONLY thing she assumed I didn't know about. (and excuse me if I dont' waste precious brain cells for the memorization of class numbers) WTF man WTF!!!

Did I mention that she was late to the meeting and SHE PICKED THE TIME!?! Also the museum is closed on Mondays and she also failed to tell me where to enter the building, where her office was and where to meet her for said interview.

I was so bewildered afterwards I actually went to the Reference desk at the MCPL to ask my Professor (who works full time at the public library) what "manuel skills" were. He looked it up on google and we decided that it refers to using your hands and possibly heavy lifting. Oh yeah...THAT's descriptive.

So yeah, I came home and wrote an e-mail to the director of the museum. I was polite and made sure I used correct grammer and spelling. (unlike now.)

UGH. And I woke up early for this shit?

why am i so goddamned popular?

I started writing the book. Most of you have already heard alot of the stories, but since I can't find a job, I will make my fortune this way. Seven chapters later, I was about to start on the Hooker & ZayZay epic, but my phone started ringing again. Bitches. I told you to fuck off in two different languages. Shall we start again in Russian or shall I forgo the niceties and just break your arms?
For anyone in the dark, the following entry is an explanation on the above outburst.

We were supposed to have lunch. He came over with the food. He set down the bag and I began showing him around my house and making small talk. He lasted five minutes. He looked at me, his lip was quivering and he had a desperate and deranged look in his eyes. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” “What? I don’t know.” “Do you want to be my girlfriend, I like you very much.” “Well, you’re nice and all, but I don’t really know you all that well and maybe we could ju-“ and then he lunged at me. He started kissing me, and I went along with it for a few seconds, as I had to process what was happening. His hands went to my butt, I moved them and pushed him away. He grabbed me again, resumed kissing and his hands went up my shirt. I pushed him off and asked what the hell he thought he was doing. He told me how beautiful I was while taking off his own shirt. He tried to get into my bra and pants this time. I pushed him off and told him that this wasn’t what I had expected when I invited him over. He said it was ok because he really liked me, as he took off his pants. He pulled me onto the couch and layed on top of me, while attempting to go about his business, all the while telling me how much he loved me and how hot I was. I kicked him off and told him he was never allowed back in my house again. He jumped up and began apologizing profusely while pulling his pants back on. I was sitting on the couch staring at him in disbelief, when he walked up to me, his groin aimed at my face. “Please, honey, you make me so hot.” “Well that’s your own fault.” I said. I moved my hands toward his fly, he got all excited thinking that this was it, I merely zipped him up and told him to leave. Disappointment crossed his face. He pulled me up and then sat down on the couch, pulling me on top of him. He opened his pants again and kept trying to push my head down. When I protested, he asked why this was such a big deal, he watches pornography and the American women always beg for more. They love sex more than anyone. Sarcastically, I said that’s because they get paid for it. He then asked how much I wanted; $10, $20? It would start at at least $1000, you fuck, now get out. “$1000?” he asked, “nobody’s worth that, what are you talking about? Now come here, my love.” I told him to get out because I had to go to sleep. Oddly, that seemed to work. He told me he would see me later, and went out the door. He called me three times the next day, as I was trying to go to sleep. I wrote him a text message saying what he did wrong, why it was bad, and not to call me again. He immediately called back, which I ignored. He texted back about how very sorry he was, but it’s because he really likes me. I told him he had ruined his chances and to never call me again. He immediately called back. I wrote back asking if he couldn’t read Spanish. He wrote back asking me to please please answer the phone. I told him I was going to sleep, quit fucking calling me. After laying in bed for awhile, I finally had to turn off the phone. I had 16 voice messages when I woke up. Andy offered to break his arms for me, but then realized that crippling an employee would hinder productivity. I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. On a lighter note, I got a burrito out of it.

Car for Greg

http://auto.howstuffworks.com/toyota-pm.htm/printable

A day in the life

Our sad, ne'er do well rival depot had grown desperate. 11 fairies were unaccounted for and another had shown up without a car. Salivating at this irresistable chance to exploit us, they demanded help. I was chosen to find said depot and chauffer the fairy around his route. The depot in question was nestled in the heart of downtown St. Paul. You all know how inept I am at navigating that accursed vortex. After driving in circles for awhile, I arrived. I was standing in a dimly lit, sub-zero parking lot when a man was directed to my car. This man, apparently less than educated, scurried to and fro loading his papers while keeping his head down and murmuring rapidly and incoherently to himself. Another story for the book, I thought. There is not much to be told about our first few hours together, except that we barreled around over the ice and snow through downtown St. Paul as he educated me in heated ebonics about the perils layed down by the man to those who do not pay their child support. I recall such humorous statements as "How da ELL wuz I suppose ta know dat my license was suspended?! Man, I wuz ComPli-an wit my responsaBiliTeeZ!! But rightsa bout now I gots to do wut I gots to do. I went down to dat court, man and dat judge wunt playin, man dat judge ain't PLAYIN." He had 300 papers to do. We had 100 left when he told me that no matter what, come 6:00, he was dipping out to his other job, because if he was late, he would be fired, and he needed to keep a certain income to appease child support. I told him he would need to finish this route before leaving. He reiterated, I retorted that he would lose this job if he left. The arguments continued, he eventually took some papers into an office building. A car pulled up next to me and sat with its flashers on. I called the St. Paul depot but I got the machine. I told them that their idiot fairy was planning to bail, leaving me with 50 papers. I informed them that this was their problem, not mine, and I would leave them on the sidewalk of 7th and Cedar. If they had any further suggestions, none of which included me delivering them, of course, they could feel free to call me. The fairy comes out of the building and talks to the other car. He then approaches my car and attempts to say his good byes. I tell him that if he wants his job to be done, he will do it himself. He starts yelling about how he needs to get to his other job. I inform him of my plan to leave the papers on the sidewalk next to the unconscious wino. He said he didn't care and got into the other car, which sped away. I called Andy with my plight, and the masters decided that I would be directed by phone to each address. Is anyone familiar with the spider web of highway ramps between the Capitol and the Kelly Inn? Yeah, whatever dude. After an hour of driving in circles, I heatedly told Andy that it wasn't going happen, I wasn't doing it, and I had shit to do that did not allow me to drive around til noon or however fucking long this was going to take. I parked at the Kelly Inn and stole some bagels from the continental breakfast while he met with the council. He called back, the new plan was for him to guide me back to the St. Paul depot by phone. I was to leave the papers on their porch and let them do it. When I arrived at said depot, .....wait for it...... THE FAIRY WAS WAITING FOR ME!!! "I been back here 3 times lookin for you! Where you been? I gots to deliver my route or I'll lose my job, gimme my papers, woman!" For god's sake. On another note, if his wife (who was driving the get away car) still had her license, could this not have all been avoided by having her drive him around instead of me? He and the wife started unloading my car, and as soon as the last paper was unloaded, I hit the gas and was gone. I was almost home when the St. Paul master finally called me back. I unloaded this story on him, and let him know what I thought of his employees. He waited for me to finish, then asked where the papers were. With The Fairy!! You weren't even listening!! I hung up on him. Pete-master bought me breakfast in appreciation that I haven't quit yet.