Monster Update and Truth is Stranger than Fiction

Monster is doing a lot better! He is actually eating now and seems to be getting some of his old energy back. Or at least enough energy to jerk away while I am trying to give him a shot so that I stab myself with a needle full of anti-coagulant. Also, did you know that near-kitty-death experiences raise cuteness levels to near toxic levels?

Anyway, did Chemska and I ever tell you all about Sister Annie DeMaupassant, the Radical Nun? We read this play a while back called "The Meaning and Purpose of the Universe"(link to google preview of play anthology: Christopher Durang Explains it All for You), which is the story of a house wife with a horrible life and the divine powers intervening to make it worse than ever. Sister Annie is actually one of the divine powers that interferes in her life by convincing her husband to kidnap the pope. Now, this is pretty out there as far as plot lines go. Hilarious but unlikely. Those of you who read Wonkette however are sure to appreciate the story of George's younger brother Neil. Conveniently, he is connected through a mutual business venture to the then Cardinal Ratzinger now Pope Benedict XVI. Ratzinger was involved in the Hitler Jugend and an Anti-Aircraft gunner in Germany. Neil has been involved in many many scandals and is probably as corrupt as, well, words fail me.

Stranger than fiction. Truly.

La Roux and Her Sailor Talk

So, Monday's are the day when our company officers have their "Profit Improvement Meeting". Cherry, (most annoying woman. ever.), was having trouble getting ahold of our VP of Operations. She asked me to page him instead. We all know that everyone listens to the receptionist. Right?
Anyways, I got on the horn and I tried to page for "T. Franzen to come to the front conference room."

I paged for "T. Franzen to come to the cunt conference room."

Quickly! I tried to cover my garbled speech and say: "Front. Front conference room. Oh my God!" I realised there was no way to cover what I had said, and heard a wave of laughter swelling and flowing my way. People popped their heads up over their grey fabric boxes to see my face turn absolutely magenta. I had to run to the bathroom so I could laugh. And laugh I did. Holy Bejeezus!

Yep. I said "cunt" over the whole paging system. Cunt. Over the intercom. Cunt.On everyone's phone speaker. Cunt.

I still have a job.

Bad news

Hey guys, I had to take Monster into the emergency veterinarian clinic tonight. He either had a allergy/asthma attack or a heart attack and may die soon. I'll let you know when I have more news. One minute he was fine, Katie and Kim were hanging out with him in Katies room and I was just getting back from an errand, I walked into the dining room and he came around the corner limping. He couldn't seem to move his right paw. He let me pick him up, he didn't seem to be in a lot of pain. I thought maybe his paw was broken, but he wasn't favoring his other paw at all, he seemed confused about how to work his paw. We put him in his carrier while I looked up the clinic on-line and then we noticed his breathing was funny. At the clinic they put him in the oxygen cage right away because his breathing was getting worse. There apparently was a lot of fluid in his lungs.

I'm really worried about him, and that I'm not going to be able to pay for this but I have to do what I can. I wish I had thought to buy him kitty insurance, they sell that now. But he has always been very healthy. Just the trip to the emergency clinic is about a thousand dollars.

So if any of you have thought about buying me a birthday present you can contribute to the Monster fund instead. I love my Monster, I can't stop worrying about him.

I am in Tegucigalpa, Honduras for the weekend for my friend´s wedding. Today we went to the groom´s dinner, afterward all the kids went to Kaballah, an upscale Morrocan club. I managed to get my knife through security by stuffing it under a boob. Awesome. I was invited to go hiking in the mountains in the morning, but I have to do my stupid homework.

Hi everyone! I've been living in Dinkytown at Aaron's for the last week, so thats where I've been... Today he and his friend dropped me off at a coffee shop so I could do homework while they did errands. Later he snuck up behind me at my table and kissed my cheek and handed me a rose. When we got home he said I was to be locked in the bedroom until my homework was done. When I went in there were a dozen roses laying on my book. Now he's making dinner while I finish my paper. I asked him where he came from and he giggled and kissed my cheek. I don't know how this all happened....

Kate's painting gets a reaction

Okay, so I had a movie night at my house. Nicole was over and she noticed Kate's oil painting. The one that used to hand at Greg's house in NordEast that was an abstract nude on a couch? I thought it sort of looked like a duck, remember it?

Anyway, Nicole noticed it and asked if it was new, I told her it wasn't and then explained it was a nude on a couch. And she goes "Oh, yeah I can see it, there's her leg and she's drapping her arm over... oh my god! you can see her hooha! I'm scarred for life, you can totally see her hooha." Yes, she was serious. I told her the "hooha" was all in her head and if anything had scarred her it was herself.

The funny coincidence about this vagina incident is it happened a day after some theater changed the "Vagina Monologues" to the "Hooha Monologues" after a driver complained. They later changed it back, but for fucks sakes people. The link is here:

http://feministing.com/archives/006495.htm

Oh and on the dating front I'm 0-3. One man's mother died (which is really sad, he's a very interesting person), one is just well... bland and the other acts like a 12 year old. I offered to go to a concert with the 12 year old (over email) and then he didn't talk to me at all (at work) the next day and I haven't heard from him since. I mean yeah, I already knew he was a little immature, but jesus christ on a bicycle he is 24. It's not like I actually asked him out or offered to blow him in the office. I know you doubt it but I do have some tact.

Libertarians

No I haven't met one lately...I don't think. I met this guy who I thought might be interesting but was so blase, who the fuck knows. He probably is, living in his own little world...

What I really want to say is this:

Every time someone claims to be a libertarian an unwanted baby is born with AIDS.

Hi Everyone! I'd like to take this time to resurface momentarily. I broke up with Hector, it broke my heart to do it, but I decided that our life would be too difficult, and I wouldn't be able to pursue my own goals very easily. I am now in love with a beautiful Filipino named Aaron. He cooks, plays guitar, is affectionate and caring but not smothering, I am writing this now while at his friend's super bowl party, and he keeps stealing glances at me and smiling really cute, he thinks I don't notice.
I've only known him a week, but what a week. I'm no good at poetry, so I'll spare you, but you get the picture. By the way, Feb. 9 everybody should go to see Hannibal Rising (the 4th silence of the lambs). Aaron is going, you guys can meet him.
Now its back to the homework

Alas poor lappy, I knew you well...

Well folks, my lappy, she died. I am working on a repair for it but I don't know how likely it is. I opened it up last night and there was a blue sreen of death with nothing on it!

Of course when you have left a laptop on for about 6 years while it functioned as my soul computer and sometimes feline warming device you have to wonder about how long it will actually last.

More updates as events warrant.