I have an interview tomorrow to work for the Ramsey County D.A., this probably means nothing, but do I get a day off from painting and I get to dress up

"Dude, I'm gonna paint El Diablo on the side of my car!"
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know, I think it's Spanish, for like, big fighting chicken."

Yes, I wasted $8 on that stupid Will Ferrell movie, but I am now obsessed with big fighting chickens. Big cartoon chickens with doo-rags, sneakers and boxing gloves. Buh-gah!!

Finally Posting!!!

That posting about iPods and the music "them there youngsters listen to" was funny. I remember the days of innuendo. Good times, good times. There's a song by some lame band named:"Buck Cherry" or something, but some of the lyrics are: "Yeah, you're a crazy bitch but you f*ck so good I'm on top of it. When I dream, I'm doing you all night..."
(I know the words because I was quite surprised I was hearing them at 2pm on 93X. They've been burned into my brain and make me want to throw up a little.)
At least we were a little entertained by trying to figure out just what a milkshake was and why it was bringing all the boys to the yard. It could've been a number of things. Maybe she's generous and throwing a pizza party for the neighbourhood kids. She's making malts! She could show the kids how to make them but if they screw it up, it puts her out a couple bucks, and where she gonna buy her weed at?
It's not just the Americans either. I normally love my British Indie Rock(ers). But this band called Hard-Fi is lame. Mike, Anglophile that he is, burned me a copy of their album. Utter crap. Every song goes something like: "Yay, it's the weekend. Hard week at work so I'm gonna party tonight. Probably drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah!" But they have some disco-esque song in heavy rotation on the alt-stations. "Heart beatin' so fast as you tear my shirt off...""This girl I seen 'round town, well now she's goin' down..." Fortunately, it doesn't get worse from there. Besides the rest of the album.
Anyways, that's all I got.
Oh, check out www.spogg.org all you grammar dorks!!!

arty timewaster!

Check it out. It is like one of Greg's weird roadtrip sights, but on the web.

So these days I'm painting houses. Its coo, I guess, better than defying death every night. So there's Dan, the blue collar red neck with the suspended license who forces us to listen to KFAN sports radio (someday his ladder may somehow tip over), Jerry, who has no phone or car and perhaps shortly no apartment because even though the boss gives him advance paychecks, he would rather spend it on drugs. And Tom, he's my friend. Dammit. the coffee shop is closing, so I can't finish my story, but I assure you it is worth the wait. Later.

I couldn't livhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.spell.gife in harmony if I wanted to

So I was swimming laps at the pool on Saturday, and I was really getting into it and WHAM! I run headlong into a midget, an actual midget. So I apologize profusely and then get out of the pool.

Then I was playing mini-golf with friends. And yeah it's got nothing to do with me but it was rather amusing. The mini-golf course is on a corner and across the street from probably the only ghetto like apartments in Bloomington. And this scrawny white guy with the baggy pants and wife beater is trying to pick a fight with one black guy in a group. And they're yelling back and forth and the hilarious thing is they're making about the same effort to keep their pants up as they are trying to look tough. It is like this: "Fuck you (hike pants) mother fucker! (Swagger, hike pants) Yeah I'll kick yo'ass bitch (hike pants)." Luckily nothing started, because then we'd have a bunch of "tough guys" trying to punch with one hand and keep their pants up with the other. So the scrawny guy leaves and then comes back with a PVC pipe and starts whacking it on the ground and shouting. Jake observed that it was much like the display chimps put on when they're trying to start a fight. And it was true. And then there was more yelling, pants hiking the little step forward step back tough guy dance. The group of black guys flanked the scrawny white guy then and it looked like he and his stick were done for but somehow it just dissolved into one scawny white guy and another white guy standing on the street calling each other "nigger". Then they left and three squads the pizza delivery guy finally show up.

Bad Times

I was checking the blogs I read regularly for updates and I came across this:

from Pound » "A nice person with regular people problems.": ..."Bad Times conditions produce varying results within a consistent pattern of badness. Your shopping cart gets swiped. You wait in line and then the line closes. They’re inexplicably all out of water, or candy, or something amazing like that. Everything you need is available only in some horrifyingly wrong form, size and/or quantity, i.e., tampons which come in boxes of two hundred and are the super-ultra-maximum kind with scented musical applicators. The ATM is down, always. You’re lost in the aisles and the song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” is playing. So many things around you suck to distraction that you forget half the things you meant to get, and you stumble home defeated and with the distinct sense that none of this bullshit would have happened if only you’d gone to the other Jewel or Walgreens or Osco or Dominck’s. Bad Times stores are the ones you find yourself going out of the way to avoid for one reason or another. Sometimes you can articulate why, sometimes you can’t."

I must say that after the hysterical laughter stopped I started trying to think of the bad times stores that I have visited/visit on a regular basis. There is the laundromat on Lyndale and 33rd where the floor shakes enough to throw april off her balance and the machines eat more quarters than they take. There is the Rainbow foods in nordeast where the lights give Katie a panic attack. There is the home depot in the same shopping center with those self checkouts that always mis-register items and their constant chatter can be heard all the way across the store like the ring-ring-ringing of those stupid slot machines.

I have had lots of bad times experiences, see if you can tell me about some of yours.

MINI SHEEP!!!

Oh my god! I saw MINI SHEEP at the Indiana State Fair. And they were the damn cutest things ever and they even had the curving horns like mountain rams. And then when the owners were going to show their sheep there was an acutally "sheep buff" they used on their little curly horns and dainty hooves to shine them! I will aquire these sheep and hurd them with puggles!

BWAHAHAHA!

Care bare genocide!

All your bannanas are belong to us

And all of these are about a million times more fun than "My Humps"

Oh Brunhilde! You

Knowing how fond you are of opera I couldn't resist!

I laugh when I should cry

Landoverbaptist.org has a hilarious new release from America's best Christian Betty Bowers:
Mrs. Betty Bowers July 2006 Newsletter: George W. Bush's 4-Point Plan for the Middle East: "Whereas Truman adopted the Marshall Plan as the centerpiece of American foreign policy, our current president has adopted a more universal concept. It is called the Law of Unintended Consequences. To wit, President Bush made Iran powerful by destroying Afghanistan and Iraq. And since Iran has had the temerity to fill the vacuum we created, they must be punished. Of course, we have no troops to even keep New Orleans safe, much less make Tehran unsafe. So America's new war with Iran has been outsourced to Israel and Hezbollah, who are respectively, if not respectfully, pushing the buttons on our bombs. And Condoleezza Rice is left to turn shuttle diplomacy into scuttle diplomacy. In a stroke of inspiration, Condi has appropriated her method of brokering peace from Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie by regarding America's two biggest threats (Iran and North Korea) with a snarling, 'I'm not talking to her! She knows what she did.' "

I love to read her stuff because it is perfectly absurd, wonderfully irreverant and truly good reporting.

In case you forgot

When next you come to my house I will probably make something too spicy for you. Speecy Spicy Chilli Juice-a! Bork Bork Bork!

My humps

So Gizmodo is reporting that kids that have sexy music on their iPods are more likely to start having sex sooner than other kids. The example that they post is that godawful Black Eyed Peas song.

Every time I here that song start I die a little on the inside. Seriously, there are sound waves produced when someone says "I'ma get, get, get you drunk. Get you love drunk off my hump." that age me about twice as fast as normal. Like one of those sonic toothbrushes that strips the plaque of your teeth. Only this one is causing genetic damage.

Gizmodo, The Gadget Guide: "A study by Rand Corp. concluded that teens who listen to sexy music on their iPods started having sex sooner than kids with other types of music. The types of songs classified as 'sexual' were all over the map—hip-hop, rap, pop and rock—but all contained sexual content in the lyrics."

Sure, you post this and millions of teens all over the world shout "SCORE!" and immediately make sure all of their albums comply with those statistics.

Ugh.

OMGOMG!!!! Coolest thing ever!!!!

EEEEEEEEEE! THIS IS SO COOL! I AM GOING TO DO THIS IMMEDIAETLY!


Boing Boing: BookMooch: give away your old books, get others': "BookMooch is a new book-swapping service from John Buckman, who created Magnatunes, a great Creative Commons music label. With BookMooch, it's easy to give away your old books to people who want to read them, and to get other peoples' books when they're done with them:"

Cool Google app!

Another one for Romi! I found this one this morning on Lifehacker:


Bikely - Discover and share your favorite bicycle routes: "Put very simply, Bikely helps cyclists share knowledge of good bicycle routes.

It can be quite tricky traversing a car dominated city by bicycle, particularly when you need to travel an unknown route to a new destination.

But the chances are, someone has cycled that way before you. Bikely makes it easy for him or her to show you the best way."

It was really cool to plot out my bike route on a map then zoom out to see how much of the city I bike over every day. I have been really good lately about riding my bike every day and I've really been loving it.

The people's party

Proceedings of the Athanasius Kircher Society

Hey Romi! Remember that story you were telling me about the feather ball. This stroy strikes just a little too closely for comfort:

Proceedings of the Athanasius Kircher Society: "The Society has been greatly enjoying the prolific output of J. Tithonus Pednaud, teratological historian and author of the Human Marvels web site. Recently, he has called our attention to Prince Randian, an armless and legless sideshow performer known alternately as “The Living Torso,” “The Snake Man,” “The Human Worm,” “The Human Cigarette Factory,” and “The Amazing Caterpillar Man.” Randian spoke Hindi, German, English, and French, and was able to write, paint, shave, and roll a cigarette using only his mouth. He makes a brief appearance in the 1932 film “Freaks,” lighting a cigarette and uttering only one virtually inscrutable line of dialogue: “Can you do anything with your eyebrows?” He died of a heart attack in 1934 at the age of 63."