The Rules of Disengagement

Oh my lovelies at the coterie this is my disclaimer that i’m not talking about you. And that I love you all and miss you dearly.

Okay, recently it was brought to my attention that yet again there is another idiot who doesn't want to start are relationship because he (read following in high pitched sissy voice): "has been hurt in the past and doesn't want to be hurt again." Oh FUCK SOCKS PEOPLE!!! At first it was my intent to post a long rant about you only have one life to live, being hurt is just a part of life blah blah blah and is life really fun being a man without balls?

However, this would be counter intuitive to actually solving the problem: people who can’t get over past relationships, resulting in a phobia of future relationships. Not only does this prevent the individual from living a fulfilling and enjoyable life it also frustrates numerous people around said individual to throttle or shake some sense into said individual. I personally enjoy taking the view that you only have one life to live and you better enjoy it, this goes also for reincarnation types. Let’s face it: if your next death was going to lead to Nirvana you’d be enlightened enough to not read this crap, so lets just go on the assumption that in your next life you’re coming back as a prokaryote and continue.

Breakups suck, this is a rule of life. If you really care about someone and they leave, they also leave a hole that can sometimes be hard to fill. The challenge is learning how to deal with this. Moping for a day to a week is okay. We as a society can handle that. Moping for weeks or months is just a waste of time and energy for godsake. Morning a relationship is okay because it is a little death in your life and mourning can be healthy. However the relationphobia types do this in unhealthy ways and carry the hole inside them like a precious gem to be nurtured, allow me to state here and now that: WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! THEY ARE NOT COMM ING BACK AND BEING A PART TIME GOTH IS NOT COOL!!! “Oh the pain...its is just so bitter sweet, every time it stabs me from the inside is a little reminder that I’m only half a person... like the walking dead....god it just so identify with Anne Rice...” Listen, the pain is not a gem you’re carrying around; its a tape worm eating away all the good things you’ve taken in since the end of the affair. Tape worms are nasty, get rid of it, take a heavy laxative if that's what it really takes but for gods sake GET RID OF IT!!! Unfortunately for the rest of us this little worm is not going to take the initiative to burst out of your stomach on its own like in an Aliens movie. Realize this.

So you’ve realized that they aren’t coming back, you’re okay with this and need to move on: now what? Get a hobby, enjoy a book, hang out with friends. This is where you realize that the world is a big place and you only have a finite amount of time to make your mark, do what you want, fight the man, whatever. Get out! When it comes to dead relationships mayrterdome is NOT COOL! Repeat after me: Wasting my life on what I can’t have including so and so is NOT COOL. You have a responsibility to yourself to enjoy yourself. Masturbate for gods sake that's a great place to start, but under no circumstances do you fantasize or use pictures of your ex. Its a fucking big no no people. If its your thing sleep with new people. However if your still carrying the proverbial tape worm and not sleeping with people to enjoy it but sleeping around for the mind fuck you get to give other people, knock it off. Your special mix of sperm, pain and mind fuck is NOT repeat NOT some magical life condiment we are all dying to have. In fact the world is better without it. Get over your relationship or throw yourself over a cliff, don’t drag the rest of us in with you. We don’t want your tape worm.

So you’ve moved on and are meeting new people, but OMG you DON’T WANT TO GET HURT AGAIN!!! Really the only advice is to get over it. The best remedy like many phobias is emersion therapy, just yell “FUCK SOCKS” and jump in with both feet and enjoy the ride. You don’t want to get hurt again? Kill your self. It is the ONLY sure fire way to never hurt again. If you need help with this I can personally drown you like the pathetic rat you are.

I say all this because, I’ve known these relationphobes. I’ve tried to be compassionate, supportive and tolerant. But really it doesn’t do anything except drain me and make the guy feel like an ass. Oh and let me throw this side note in for you guys who are like “You don’t want to date me I’m really just an asshole.” Are you human? Did you grow up on planet Earth? Oh well than fuck yeah your an asshole its called the “human condition”. I know they say that the human condition is to suffer, but who the fuck do you think is the cause of suffering?

Anyway what I really have to say is that you just have to give love a chance. It hurts, its hard, its work, but in the end its worth it.

How in the hell...

Okay, finally I have properly accepted the blogger invite without destroying a computer by putting my foot through it, or at least wanting to gnaw it to bits. No one ever invite me to do anything like this again, okey dokey?
Rhianna- I heard that you eat babies. I have a great recipe with oregano, lemon and olive oil. It's called "Greek Baby". Deee-lish! What's your omlette recipe like? Funny stuff aside, I miss you terribly, no one drives as fast as you. Zzzzzzzz. I need a race. My mom says "hi" and she wishes you well. Whole foods is becoming somewhat of a bore. Maybe I can switch departments, but then they want you to have an "action plan".
So, I'm just now getting rid of that nasty cold, flu, sinus in-fuck-tion, whatever I had. But I'm still coughing up all sorts of glory. "S.J." (a.k.a. Chemska) (what's wrong with your actual name) (But I'm being sarcastic and not mean.) and I went to the 90's on Sunday and had a fabulous time. I ended up bumping into Nate and Shena and...yes, Rhianna, I bumped into George. He told me to say "He-ey". Then we went to Perkins and had food with some of the new friends we met. Chemska's uncle apparently adores my hair, which I took as a compliment of the highest degree.
Also, I have found out that I have lost 15 pounds since the beginning of summer. Yay. And then I found out that I make too much money to have MinnesotaCare. Damn. So at least there's still balance in nature. I guess. Love You All!

I AM GOING TO SELF COMBUST

If I don't hear from my realtor soon. One way or the other. I WANT TO KNOW! I am used to the american experience. INSTANT GRATIFICATION! See it, buy it, have it instantly.
As it is I am about to start emitting high pitched noises, or start picking things and people up and shake them very hard.
This is worse than going to the dentist. At least there you are not asked to wait for days while your dentist decides if your bidding enough for his time.

Alright library lady-heres a project for ya!

Telegraph | News | Library that lets you take out people who are left on the shelf: "A public library in Holland has been swamped with queries after unveiling plans to 'lend out' living people, including homosexuals, drug addicts, asylum seekers, gipsies and the physically handicapped."

Wedding-mania update

At the lathe

AAAaarrrgh!

So the bus times and routes are minimal at best. Today I waited for the bus in front of my apartment complex for about forty minutes. During that time an elderly woman brought her folding chair out to sit out front. We talked for a little while and then I asked: "Are there any buses on Sunday?" Her Reply: Well no. You know there are just so many people with out vehicles here who need to go places, I don't understand why they don't run on Sunday. I wondered why you were sitting there." No sunday buses!! I'm stranded!! Aargh! (Yes, I could bike, however the mucus filled respritory system coupled with the humidity here makes biking more like a death march.)

Earlier in the day I realized that I only fit in two of my bras anymore. I'm spilling out of everything else and what's more is that most of my blouses don't fit with the new bras either. It's like my shirts are prisons and my breasts are inmates just bursting to bust out. I want a car, I want to go to a national park. Last night I walked to the grocery store and by the time I walked home my glasses had fogged up. I found that they sell Treet here. It's more like an inside joke at work because my brother and AJ actually like eating SPAM. I'm mailing it to Wild River Consulting with a thank you note for the palm pilot.

I think I may be going a little nuts. The people are nice here, but I'm going nuts. It should get better when school starts and I have a schedule and get to interact with people.

Greg I watched a movie that made me think of you. Its like a French spoof on "Clue" with eight woman and one dead man and they occationally break out in song.

I never knew Librarians where so cut throat

Hello Everybody!

Hi Dr. Nick!!

Anyway, I met a woman who is going to by a rare books librarian. She says she is looked forward to fighting other students for class seats with cutlasses and daggers. I told her good luck.

So I had orientation today and listened to about six speakers who all emphisized the same things. Like internships and the SLIS listserve and joining the Americal Library Association. However one woman in particular drew my ire. She's one of those people who read the paper everyday and only see horror and impending doom. She was fidgety on stage and while she did have some positive things to say, by the way she presented it through stories, motions and tone of voice, it still sounded bad. The economy is horrible if your read the NY Times and the Washington post talked about cut funding for public sysems and Newsweek calls this economy temperate, but I'm sure you'll get a job when your done with school. And OMG you know that you have to do a lot of group work and theres always a slacker! It's part of your education to learn how to get the slacker to do work, otherwise how will you manage your workers when you get a job in the real world. Its like the slackers are planted by the teachers as an added homework bonus. Plus this woman always ended her sentenses with "mkay". Even when she didn't say it loud enough to hear she mouthed it. All I could think of was ways to fuck with her head to get her to stop compulsively saying "mkay." God is going to need help preserving the natural order of the universe if I have to take a class with her. Mercy.

Anyway I hope you all are doing well I'll talk to you later.

making a big circle

So my weekend starts around noon tomorrow. Andrew and I are going camping to check out possible places to have the wedding. On the list: Mille Lacs-Kathio, Wild River and Beaver Valley State parks and the farm/hippie wonderland of my friend Donna B. in Rushford.

How about other Coter-ites?

PS. Have you noticed that Greg is excited about his HOUSE?

Time warp at the video store

So I decided to get a video account in town and was limited by walking distance. Long story short: I have found the most fucked up orginizational system in the universe!!! They have four sections: New Release, Disney, Family & Gallery. I found that in the Gallery section soft porn may be sandwiched by drama and horror next to Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure. When I asked how they are arranged I was told that every employee is in charge of two shelves...but rest assured that the two shelves were in alphebetical order, you just go back to A every other shelf... WTF? Really people: WHAT THE FUCK!?!

Other than that the town is pretty nice with plenty of art galleries. Dude...WTF!?!

I woke up and turned my head toward the closet, just as a tall black man emerged from the bathroom. His head left my line of vision as he neared the edge of the loft. Then his long fingers wrapped around the edge, just inches from my face, and suddenly his eyes were staring into mine. He leapt on top of me, telling me to just be quiet, shh, just give me what I want. Had I locked the door before going to bed? Or were the nightmares just getting more vivid? I started screaming, he jumped off of the loft with a crash and ran back into the bathroom. I was paralyzed for about 20 minutes, waiting to either wake up or for him to come back. Finally I forced myself off of the loft. I went outside, crawled into my trunk and went back to sleep. Later, still in the trunk, I flipped a coin to determine whether it would be Canada or Mexico. I ended up in Mora. Good enough. I might keep going but I'm definitely going to wait a few days before I go back. In retrospect perhaps this wasn't the best idea. If he was real, he's probably already pawned all my stuff. If he was a dream, eventually I'll have to sleep again, though somehow I do feel a sense of accomplishment.

Indiana...isokay

Hello Everybody, things are okay down here. This is my first day alone as my parents left yesterday. I want to live in an indent in the middle of everything. As it stands I'm on a hill so its always up hill coming home which makes biking a pain. Well actually the bike path outside my house is fine as it resembles a sign wave with the crest infront of my home, it is unfortunately punctuated by large electrical poles in the middle of the path. So you start on a hill, get enough momentum to crest one hill go down another and at high velocity zoom around an electrical pole and dodge stupid rabbits. One of these days coming home I'm going to have to choose between hitting a pole or hitting a rabbit... well at least I have my skinning knife.

My parents and I searched for three days for a sofa and never found one in the price range my dad had in his head and had previously not broadcast until I found something I liked. However, while perusing the non airconditioned furniture stores - one was in a barn and the second floor floor had ripples like a skate boarders wet dream - we realized that furniture stores in Bloomington was like fire work stalls else where, hastily thrown together for the new student season they fleeced the kids parents while they could and are devoid of customers for the rest of the year. So as of now there is no couch for me.

Oh and on a note for Greg to laugh at again, since my car died my grandparents offered my the use of one of their cars: a small pick-up truck and a Lincoln Towncar Senator's Edition. And of course the Lincoln is white with tan leather. Another option for local transportation is something that makes me think of Greg. They sell it at the bookstore and call it "The Hoosier Cruiser" its a small- I think collapsible- scooter decorated white with crimson details.

I've also found the local gamer hangout. While I'm sure there's more this one is on my walk to the coffeshop in the middle of a small strip mall and there are two things about the place that make me giggle: It is the only place with a place for cigarette butts and the hours are noon to nine except on Saturdays which are noon to 3am-ish. It's probably just me, I think its cute.

Yoo hooooooooo!?

Rhianna! You out there honey?

I miss you lots. It may also be my brain's subtle way of telling me to smoke, since like Pavlov's Dogs I associate Rhianna with smoking. Rhianna is WAY less deadly than cigarettes though. Unless you count the knife.

Party update:
1. Andrew's parents are deightful
2. We have tons of middle aged and elderly neighbors that seem to have nothing better to do than garden and make me gift baskets of tomatos.
3. I shouldn't start drinking wine at 5:00 after two weeks of sleep deprivation. Apparently the party guests found me mighty amusing.
4. I think I got propositioned for a three way. I have no idea if it was serious or joking.
5. I REALLY need a couch. Actually, a couch for the living room and a loveseat for my little study/den/second bedroom.
6. About 30 people can fit on our balcony!

All in all, an enjoyable evening.

We miss you Rhianna!

Lookin at houses, more bad movies, etc.

So K.P. and I may have found the house we want already. It's a four bedroom house in the central neighborhood. It pretty much has everything we were looking for but a garage, it only needs minor repairs, it has built in cupboards in 5 rooms, the linoleum needs replacing and it gives us an incredible good feeling. All the other houses we looked at needed alot more work or had already had all the work done on them. We do want something that we can work on ourselves and make the way we want it. We looked at one house that was move in ready and was very pretty with an all new kitchen and third floor bedroom with bath, but is was beyond our price range and the neighborhood was icky.

Last night I watched Attack of the Monsters, another movie featuring Gammera (friend of children) the flying turtle who breathes fire. This time some little scamps end up climbing witlessly into a space ship which ferries them to a planet directly opposite the sun. There, space vixens want to suck out their brains. Go figure. Gammera then has to battle Guiron, a monster with a blade for a head that shoots ninja stars from his temples, to rescue the kids from the brain sucking beauty queens.

Anyway, it was a classic.

Has anyone heard from Rikki lately? She doesn't answer her phone for me. And She hasn't returned my messages. I'm sure she is fine, she probably is just tired from work.

Up to tha date

I have been working on getting the financing stuff tied up for Katie and I. OH YEAH, and those boxed sets came. So Wed. night I watched Gammera the Invincible, and last night I watched The Screaming Skull. Both are fabulous. Also, Sheila was over Wed. night and we watched French and Saunders, the one with the parody of the making of Titanic. So just alot of movie watching lately, but good ones.
We go to look at our first houses on Saturday. I am terribly excited about it and will talk incessantly about it if provoked.
I think I may have found the perfect religion for us: Pastafarianism. You can read about it here on Wikipedia or here on BoingBoing. Apparently this spoof religion was created in response to the Kansas education board decision allowing Intelligent Design to be taught in schools.
I can't think of anything else to write about. So:
End of Line

Make your own superhero!

http://www.ugo.com/channels/comics/heroMachine2/heromachine2.asp

I shouldn't do this at work.

Arbeit Macht Frei

Gosh I hope I spelled that right. Because the thing you have to worry about when making Holocaust-inspired jokes is spelling...yeah.

So, the update:

1. I've been working basically non-stop on getting the house ready for the Housewarming party tomorrow. Buying fabric, getting curtains made by the Somali tailors down in the West Bank, buying paint, painting, figuring out the color is wrong, getting the color corrected, painting, the color still dissatisfies Andrew, getting the color corrected and (shocker!) painting.

Also, we've been pulling up the super disgustor old carpeting which is both dusty and laden with mold-spores. Lordy! We finally got all the carpet up last night (at about 1 am) and when I started mopping I realized that the dark stains on the hardwood floor were actually pools of glue for the carpeting. Which was water-soluable. And I had spread with my mopping. All over the floor. Ugh!

So for tonight: move all my boxes of books up to the attic, finish de-gluing the floors, move rugs and furniture into place, cry with exhaustion, clean the whole apartement, put up the curtain rod and curtain, clean the porch and finish weeding the driveway/sidewalk.

2. Fun with being a landlady!
The Drunken Freak former tenant still seems to think she deserves her deposit back, despite the itemized list of deductions we sent her. You'd think she'd be so embarassed after her drunken rampage at our house she'd slink off. Nuh uh.

Also, things are civil to friendly with the Powderhorn Couple, but they have a list of stuff I need to do to the house and a list of stuff the Evil Contractor fucked up or simply did not finish.

On the upside, I do get to go to a firepit party at Marie's house this weekend. So that's cool.

We miss you already

Rhianna,
I just wanted you to know that we already miss you. For one thing, it's darned impossible to get these other guys to pcik up their darn phones. I watched "Gamerra The Invincible" last night and it made me think of you. It's the story of a 150 ft. flying turtle that eats fire and walks on it's hind legs and the boy who loves him.

I bet you're sad you missed that one.

In the spirit of bad movies, here is a link to a blog post about "Manos: Hands of Fate". It is one of my favorite blogs from the Damn Hell Ass Kings, a collection of Chicago are bloggers of which Pound is part.

Call me sometime. We like you.

The Coterie 

So you're leaving Minnesota

OK. You can leave. But YOU CAN NEVER BE FREE! You will be a participant of the CAFFG!
HAHA!